This is the second part of my key takeaways from the “Empathy for a$$holes” workshop at SXSW. If you want my highlights from this training, click here.
Everybody can empathize
In today’s world, we are all connected more than ever before. But that also means we’re also more disconnected. The Internet has made us all experts at saying “I’m sorry” without actually meaning. Taking the time to speak in person is more powerful than typing meaningless words.
But empathy isn’t just about how you treat other people– it’s also about how you treat yourself. You have to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand what they’re going through.
Empathy is for everyone and it is a skill that is growing more important by the day.
It became clear that this was the case during the “Empathy for a$$holes” session at SXSW.
They started the session with a surprising question–
“Who is your asshole?”
Try this exercise right now
Think about who is an asshole to you right now…
In this context, an asshole can be a person (or situation) that you would find it difficult to feel compassion for.
Or, in other words, which person (or situation) would you find it difficult to feel compassion for?
It may be a project at work, a family matter, or even a stranger who got into the “10 items or less” lane with 20 items the other day…
Now forget about yourself, because this exercise isn’t about you. It’s about empathy.
This next part may be tricky because you will need a partner. This can be a spouse who’s talking about a bad day at work or a friend whose date went poorly. You don’t have to tell them that you’re doing an exercise, but you should take turns talking about your a$$hole.
Listen and watch for subtle cues like:
- feelings
- facts
- context
When you’ve heard each other’s story, reflect on what they said by drawing their a$$hole situation. Stick figures are fine, but visual aides are useful in helping you jog your memory and reflect on a situation.
Then write what you think your partner’s strengths are and what they are longing for based on what they said and what subtle cues you picked up.
Share this with your partner then reflect on your own a$$hole starting with the phrase, “Now I see…”
Doing this exercise helped me to focus on what empathy really means.
The essence of empathy
It’s not about being nice. It’s about listening intently and looking for a deeper meaning beyond their words.
Empathy is connecting with someone and making them feel like they’re not alone, and responding appropriately to what they’re saying.
Anticipating and meeting others’ needs is a valuable skill both in and out of the workplace. In the workplace, it helps build teamwork and trust among coworkers. Outside of work, it can help you form deeper relationships with family and friends.
Empathy is an important part of being a good person, and it’s something we should all strive to develop.
I love the idea of empathy being a choice. I’m not saying it’s always easy, but I do think that you can make the choice to be more empathetic at any given moment.If you’re interested in empathy training, get in touch with the session facilitators: Others Unlimited